how to help a loved one with an eating disorder

Support for Families, Parents and Loved Ones

If you are worried about a child, partner, sibling or friend with an eating disorder, this page is for you. It covers what eating disorders can look like from the outside, what might help and what doesn’t, and how to begin accessing specialist support, for them and for you. Towards the bottom of the page, there are also a number of resources that we recommend most often to families.

Book An Appointment Contact Us
help for parents of children with eating disorders
eating disorder help for parents

What you May Be Noticing

Eating disorders are often secretive. The person experiencing one may not yet recognise what is happening, or may feel too frightened or ashamed to talk about it. Families and loved ones are often the first to notice that something has shifted.

Things people commonly notice include:

  • Changes in eating patterns, routines, or food preferences: new “rules” about what, when, or how much they will eat
  • Avoiding meals with others, or increased anxiety around mealtimes
  • Preoccupation with weight, shape, calories, or appearance
  • Increased exercise, particularly when it feels driven or non-negotiable
  • Withdrawal, low mood, irritability, or unusual secrecy
  • Physical changes: fatigue, dizziness, feeling cold, noticeable weight changes
  • Missing food in the home, frequent trips to the bathroom after meals, or evidence of laxative use

You do not need to be certain before seeking advice. If something feels different or concerning, a specialist conversation can help you make sense of it.

eating disorders support for families

Why It Can Feel So Confusing

Eating disorders are rarely about food in the way they appear from the outside. For many people, restricting, bingeing, purging, or rigid food rules come to serve a function: managing overwhelming emotions, creating a sense of control, or feeling safe in moments of distress. That is one of the reasons they can be so hard to interrupt. The behaviour is meeting a need, however harmful the method.

This is also why arguing with the behaviour rarely works. The person is not choosing to be difficult, and they are not being defiant. Eating disorders are recognised mental health conditions, not character flaws or a lack of willpower. Separating the person from the illness, internally as well as in how you speak, tends to help everyone involved.

A few principles that consistently hold true:

  • Eating disorders are not caused by one event, one comment, or one parenting decision. They stem from a mix of biological, psychological and environmental factors that differ from one person to another.
  • Families do not cause eating disorders. The outdated idea that family dynamics are the root cause has been thoroughly challenged by decades of research.
  • Families and loved ones are one of the most powerful resources in recovery. Family-Based Treatment, which positions parents as active partners in their child’s recovery, is one of the most effective approaches for children and adolescents.
eating disorders support for LOVED ONES

Early Priorities

If you are at the beginning of this, the areas below are what we would typically prioritise within specialist services. They are listed in roughly the order they need attention.

  • Physical safety. Significant weight loss, fainting, dizziness, slow heart rate, or other physical symptoms need medical input, through your GP or, where needed, more urgent services. A&E is appropriate if there is immediate medical concern.
  • Regular eating. Restoring some structure to eating, even if imperfect, is often the most important early step. Three meals and two to three snacks a day, at predictable times, matters more in the early stages than variety or “perfect” eating.
  • Specialist input early. Eating disorders rarely resolve without support, and the earlier specialist help is in place, the better the outcomes. Specialist assessment helps clarify what is happening and what will help.
  • Consistency at home. Where possible, a calm and predictable approach across everyone involved in care makes a meaningful difference. Eating disorders respond to consistency, even when emotions are understandably high.
  • Support for yourself. Carer wellbeing is not optional. Supporting someone with an eating disorder is demanding, and information, guidance, and your own support help you sustain this over time.


eating disorders in children represented by a tree in a field

How to Talk With Your Loved One

There is no perfect script, but some approaches reliably help and others reliably make things harder.

What Tends To Help

  • Express concern about what you’ve noticed, not about appearance. “I’ve noticed you’ve been skipping meals and you seem more withdrawn lately, and I’m worried about you” lands very differently from “You’re looking too thin.”
  • Choose a calm time, away from mealtimes. Mealtimes are already high-anxiety for someone with an eating disorder.
  • Listen more than you advise. Make space for them to share without interruption, problem-solving, or reassurance. Validating their experience (“that sounds really difficult”) is more useful than fixing.
  • Talk about feelings before food. Eating disorders are often a way of managing emotions. Asking “how are you feeling?” can open more than “what have you eaten?”
  • Be consistent. Offer support repeatedly, not just in one big conversation. Showing up regularly matters more than getting any single conversation right.
  • Suggest professional support gently and collaboratively. “I think it could help us both to talk to someone who really understands this” tends to land better than an ultimatum.

What Tends To Make Things Harder

  • Commenting on weight, shape, or how someone looks, including comments meant kindly
  • Monitoring, weighing, or controlling food intake without a clinician’s involvement
  • “Just eat normally,” “you look fine,” or any version of “snap out of it”
  • Ultimatums or bargaining (“if you don’t eat, then…”)
  • Arguments at the table, or making mealtimes the place difficult conversations happen
  • Trying to manage the eating disorder alone, without specialist input

If your loved one is not yet ready to accept help, that is common, and your own support and learning still matter. You do not need their agreement to seek information or a parent consultation for yourself.

Looking After Yourself

Supporting someone with an eating disorder is one of the more demanding things a person can do. It is normal to feel worried, frustrated, guilty, frightened, or exhausted, often all of those in the same week. None of that means you are doing it wrong.

Sustaining your own wellbeing is part of sustaining your support. That might mean:

  • Speaking to a trusted friend, partner, or family member who knows the situation
  • Accessing your own counselling, peer support, or carer support group
  • Protecting some part of normal life: rest, work, hobbies, time outside the eating disorder
  • Recognising what you can and cannot control, and where your responsibility ends

Carer support is not an optional add-on. It is part of effective treatment.

A Place of Specialist Support

treatment Options for Families

Treatment for an eating disorder is shaped around the individual, their age, their condition, and what they and their family find most helpful. Most people benefit from a combination of approaches.

how to help a loved one with an eating disorder

Family-Based Treatment (FBT) and Family Therapy

For children and adolescents, FBT is the first-line evidence-based approach. Rather than treating the young person alone, FBT positions parents as the most important resource in their child’s recovery, with the clinician guiding the family week by week. Family therapy can also be helpful for adults, and siblings, partners, and parents may all be involved depending on the situation.

Being offered family therapy is not a comment on your family. It does not suggest the family is the cause. It draws on the strength of your relationships to support recovery and reduce the eating disorder’s grip on everyday life.

Individual Therapy

Individual therapy supports the person directly, exploring the emotional patterns underneath the eating disorder, building coping strategies, and rebuilding a healthier relationship with food and their body. The London Centre offers a range of evidence-based individual therapies including CBT-E, MANTRA, SSCM, CFT, EMDR, DBT and Schema Therapy. The right approach depends on the person and is agreed at assessment.

Parent and Carer Support Sessions

We offer sessions for parents, partners and other family members, regardless of whether your loved one is in treatment with us. These sessions offer psychoeducation about eating disorders, practical advice on how to respond at home, and a chance to process the emotional toll of supporting a loved one. They can be a one off or a series depending on your needs. If your child is over 18 we will not share specific details of their treatment with you unless they have agreed to this beforehand.

eating disorders support for families - girl in field
Personalised Care

Preparing for a First Appointment

It is common for the person you are bringing, and for you, to feel nervous before a first appointment. A few things help:

  • Speak openly and calmly about why you are going. “This is an appointment to understand what’s going on and what might help” sets a different tone from “we’re going because something is wrong with you.”
  • Reassure them that they will be listened to, not judged or forced. Assessments at The London Centre are supportive conversations, not interrogations.
  • Avoid arguments about food in the lead-up. The pre-appointment period is rarely the time to make eating-related changes.
  • Make a short note of what you’ve noticed and when it began. This helps the clinician build a clearer picture without putting all the work on the person being assessed.

If you are a parent enquiring for a younger child, we usually offer an initial parent consultation so you can speak freely about your concerns before your child’s assessment.

Support for Families and Loved Ones at The London Centre

Where appropriate, and with the individual’s consent, we work alongside families and loved ones throughout treatment. This may include offering guidance on how to respond to eating disorder behaviours at home, providing information about the recovery process, and helping families understand how to support without losing themselves in the process.

Family or carer participation is part of the normal treatment of under-18s. For adults, participation is a personal choice and a matter of consent. Either way, you don’t have to wait until your loved one is in treatment to get help for yourself.

To arrange a parent consultation or to discuss next steps, please book an appointment below.

Book An Appointment

Recommended Resources

The resources below are ones we regularly recommend to families. They are evidence-informed, practical, and grounded in approaches used within specialist eating disorder services.

FEAST – Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment
A leading international organisation offering evidence-based support for parents and carers. Includes forums, practical guides, and structured support rooted in Family-Based Treatment (FBT). Also offers resources for those supporting adult children, and support groups specifically for fathers.

Beat – UK Eating Disorder Charity
The UK’s main eating disorder charity, offering helplines, online support groups, and guidance for carers supporting both young people and adults.

The New Maudsley Approach
Practical, skills-based support for carers – communication strategies, behaviour change techniques, and psychoeducation. Includes videos, structured modules, and workshop materials.


Eva Musby – Parent Resources

A highly regarded resource hub offering clear, practical guidance for parents supporting a child through recovery. Includes videos, audio resources, and parent workshops (available on a sliding scale).

Supporting an adult child or partner? Many of the organisations above, particularly FEAST and Beat, offer resources specifically for those supporting adults, where autonomy, boundaries, and consent are central to care.

ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) involves strong avoidance or restriction of food for reasons other than concerns about weight or shape. Because ARFID is less widely understood, families often struggle to find relevant information. The resources below are the ones we recommend most often.

Be Body Positive
Online information, support and guidance for restrictive eating. Self-help sessions available for young people and parents/carers.

ARFID Awareness UK
Information and resources for families and professionals, including specific advice and information for schools.

National Eating Disorders Association – ARFID
A clear overview of ARFID, its signs, and treatment options.

ARFID Kids
Information, advice, and support specifically for carers of children with ARFID.

FOR YOUNGER CHILDREN WITH SENSORY OR FEEDING DIFFICULTIES:

Sensory Play Toolkit
A free toolkit with sensory play ideas to support avoidant, picky, and fussy eaters.

SOS Approach to Feeding – Free Parent Workshop
A free two-hour webinar from Dr Kay Toomey: “When Children Won’t Eat.” Provides information, skills, and strategies to support feeding difficulties.

Plate by Plate Approach

A practical, family-friendly framework for supporting nutritional rehabilitation without calorie counting. Particularly helpful for parents supporting recovery at home, offering clear guidance on structuring meals in a balanced and manageable way.

CORE TEXTS

  • Skills-based Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder – Janet Treasure, Gráinne Smith & Anna Crane
    Grounded in the New Maudsley approach. Practical, evidence-based strategies around communication, boundaries, meal support, and emotional regulation.
  • Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders: How to Help Your Child Eat Well and Be Well – Eva Musby
    A practical, compassionate guide grounded in evidence-based approaches, particularly useful for parents supporting recovery at home.
  • Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder – James Lock & Daniel Le Grange
    A core text on Family-Based Treatment (FBT), offering structured, practical guidance for parents supporting adolescents.

FURTHER READING

  • Eating Disorders: A Parent’s GuideRachel – Bryant-Waugh
    A clear, accessible overview of eating disorders in young people.
  • Survive FBT – Maria Ganci
    A skills-based manual designed to support parents undertaking Family-Based Treatment.
  • My Kid is Back – June Alexander
    A lived-experience account offering insight and perspective for families navigating recovery.
  • Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for Eating Disorders in Young People: A Parents’ Guide – Riccardo Dalle Grave & Carine el Khazen
    A parent-focused guide to understanding enhanced cognitive behaviour therapy. Explains the treatment model and offers practical guidance on supporting CBT-E strategies at home.

ARFID-SPECIFIC READING

  • ARFID: Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder — A Guide for Parents and Carers – Rachel Bryant-Waugh
    A dedicated, practical guide for families navigating ARFID.
  • Food Refusal and Avoidant Eating in Children – Gillian Harris & Elizabeth Shea
    A clinically grounded book on avoidant eating in children, useful for parents and professionals.
  • The Picky Eater’s Recovery Book – Jennifer Thomas
    A guide for adults and older adolescents with ARFID and selective eating.

SUPPORT FOR SIBLINGS

Siblings can feel overlooked while being significantly affected by changes within the family. Support focuses on helping them understand the illness, maintain their own wellbeing, and navigate their role within the family.

  • Beat – Information and support for family members, including siblings
  • FEAST – forums and peer support


FREED

  • FREED – Practical Guides
    Accessible, practical guidance for early-stage eating disorders. Resources on managing more challenging periods (such as holidays or disruptions to routine) can be helpful throughout the year.

SUPPORT FOR CARERS’ OWN WELLBEING

Caring for someone with an eating disorder can be demanding and, at times, isolating. Accessing support for yourself is part of being able to provide consistent, sustainable support over time.

  • Beat – carer support groups and helplines
  • FEAST – online forums and peer support

WHEN TO SEEK MORE URGENT SUPPORT

If you are concerned about immediate risk, significant physical deterioration, fainting, or concerns about safety:

  • Beat Helpline
  • NHS 111
  • Your GP
  • A&E in the case of immediate medical risk
Start your journey

Take the First Step

Whether your loved one is ready to begin treatment or not, support and guidance are available, for them and for you. If you would like to talk to us about what you’re seeing, or arrange a parent consultation, contact us. You do not have to navigate this alone.

Book An Appointment